Imagine that baby girl again, the one who...
Imagine that baby girl again, the one who fell
from the carriageShe struck the right side of
her head, but it was the left side of her brain
that suffered the worst insult - contracoup,
remember? The left side is where Broca's area is -
not that anyone knew that in the 1920sBroca's
area processes languageSmack it hard enough and
you lose your language, sometimes for a little
while, sometimes foreverBut - although they are
closely related - saying is not seeing
The little girl still sees
She sees her five sistersHow
their hair is crazy-combed by the wind when they
come in from outsideShe sees her father's
mustache, now threaded with grayShe sees Nan
Melda - not just the housekeeper omega automatic seamaster watch but the closest
thing to a mother this little girl knowsShe sees
the scarf Nanny wraps around her head when she
cleans; she sees the knot in the front, at the
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very top of Nan Melda's high brown forehead; she
sees Nan Melda's silver bracelets, and how they
flash starpoints in the sunshine that falls
through the windows
Details, details, the truth is in the details
And does seeing cry out to saying, even in a
damaged mind? A wounded brain? Oh, it must, it
must
She thinks My head hurts
She thinks Something bad happened, and I don't
know who I amOr what all these
bright surrounding images are
She thinks Libbit? Is my name Libbit? I used to
knowI could talk in the used-to-know, but now china mulberry my
words are like fish in the waterI want the man
with the hair on his lip
She thinks That's my Daddy, but when I try to say
his name I call "Ird! Ird!" instead, because one
flies past my windowI see
its eye like glassI see its leg, how it bends
like broke, and that word is crookitMaria and Hannah come inShe
doesn't like them the way she likes the twinsThe
twins are little, like her
She thinks I called Maria and Hannah the Big
Meanies in the used-to-know and realizes she knows
againIt's another thing that's come backThe
name for another detailShe will forget again,
but the next time she remembers, she will remember
longerShe's almost sure of it
She thinks When I try to say Hannah I say chanel purses "Ird!
Ird!" When I try to say Maria I say "Wee! Wee!"
And they laugh, those meaniesI want my
Daddy and can't remember how to say him; that word
is gone againWords like birds, they fly and fly
and fly awayI say
"First! First!" But they only laugh, those meanies
I'm under the bandage, smelling the iodine, smelly
the sweaty, listening to them laughI scream at
them, scream loud, and they run awayNan Melda
comes, her head all red because her hair is
wrapped in the snarfHer roundies flash flash
flash in the sun and you call those roundies
braceletsI say "First, first!" and Nan Melda
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doesn't knowSo then I say "Ass! Ass!" and Nan
makes me go potty even though I don't need to omega seamaster watch go
pottyI'm on the potty and see and point"Ass!
Ass!" Daddy comes in"What's this shouting
about?" with all white bubbles on his face except
for one smoothieThat's where he slid the thing
that makes the hair go awayThe room is full of sunnyDust floats in
the sunny and his hand goes through the sunny with
the glass and you call that prettyI cry more afterwards, but from betterHe
kiss me kiss me kiss me, hug me hug me hug me, and
I try to say him - "Daddy!" - and still can't
Then I think around sideways to his name, and John
is there, so I think that in my mind and while I
think John I "Daddy!" out my mouth and he hug me
hug me some more
She thinks Daddy is my first word on this side of
the bad chanel cambon bag thin